Friday, January 22, 2010

I wish I were still that naive

I'm thinking about learning to scuba dive, and for some reason this has triggered some memories from when I was a lifeguard at a swim club for four summers in high school. Well, I was only actually a lifeguard for three summers, because after they hired me, we all found out that, even though I was completely certified, since I was only 15 I was too young the first summer.  So they put me to work as the Gatekeeper (no Keymaster jokes!) keeping out the hoi polloi (of which, if I remember correctly, my family was part, because we didn't live in the right part of Benicia and couldn't join). One of my jobs was to answer the phone, which happened to be a pay phone in the clubhouse. Most of the time it was questions such as, "When do you open?" and "How do we join?," but one day:

Me: Southampton Swim Club, may I help you?

Him: I'd like to [redacted] and [redacted]

Me: (thinking) I must not have heard that correctly
I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you. Could you repeat that?

Him: (louder) I'd like to [redacted] and [redacted]

Me: I can't have heard that right. It doesn't make sense.
I'm sorry, but it's really loud in here. I still couldn't hear you.


Me: Ok, that's what I thought he said.
(long pause)......Um...we don't have a pool table here.

Him: OH, FORGET IT! (click)

As I turned away from the phone and started walking back through the clubhouse,  I bumped into the chairwoman of the board who had recently hired me. I must have looked confused, because she asked me what happened.  I relayed the conversation to her, and was startled when she burst out laughing so hard that she actually couldn't speak for a minute or two.  By this time I was REALLY confused.  When she finally was able to get control of herself, she wiped away tears, put her arm around my shoulders, and said, "Honey, you just had an obscene phone call!"  Then she told me to stay innocent for as long as possible.


artificialhabitat said...

Reminds me of a joke:

So I called my local swimming pool, and asked "Is that the local swimming pool?", and the girl on the phone answered "That depends where you're calling from".

Well, I thought it was funny.

Learning to SCUBA dive, eh? Reminds me that I should probably start diving again. After all, I spent all the money on the gear. Trouble is I don't have anywhere to keep it in my current home; it's all in storage.

artificialhabitat said...


I called the phone company earlier - "I'd like to report a nuisance phone caller"

They replied "Not you again..."

Laurie said...

Andrew - Heh. Some of your (and my friend Kia's) posts are actually one of the reasons I started thinking (yet again) that I might want to learn to scuba dive. My brother has been certified for years, and I think I've let him one-up me for long enough. I've just never been able to afford it - not that I really can now.

Just remember - never go diving alone. If you have equipment problems, your buddy can help you. If you run out of air, your buddy can help you. If you meet an hungry shark, your odds are 50/50.

Ok, so it's an old one and wasn't that funny...

Brother Phil said...

Yeah, I don't have to out-swim the shark. I just have to out-swim you.

Laurie said...

Hah! Like that'll ever happen. I'm the ex-lifeguard.