Pet peeves

This is a completely gratuitous post on: Things that irritate me or How to piss me off.

• Fundamentalist religionuts and any pseudoscientific garbage, but those are just a given.


• Mispronunciations. Especially people who mispronounce nuclear as nuke-yoo-lar (our favorite former commander-in-chief, for instance), realtor REE-lit-or (I've know actual realtors who can't pronounce this word) and mispronunciation mis-pro-noun-see-ay-shun. Bill is completely unable to pronounce labyrinth and pronounces it lab-er-nith, but that's just cute.*


• People who say irregardless. The word is either regardless or irrespective, people! Pick one, but don't combine them. From my 1974 edition of Webster’s New World Dictionary, irregardless is defined as a substandard or humorous redundancy for REGARDLESS.


• Snowboarders, with the exception of Kia, with whom I've never skied, and my son. He irritates me for other reasons. Snowboarders don't seem to have the brain capacity to understand that most skiers go back and forth across the slope, not straight down, and seem to be constantly surprised when skiers turn and go the other way right into their path such that they scream by at 50 mph barely missing and frightening the skier (me, anyway) half to death. In addition, skis make a pleasant shush, shushing sound - snowboards literally roar as they go by. I'm constantly swearing at snowboarders and calling them fracking moron idiots under my breath. Redundant, I know, but it makes me feel better. Ok, I don't always say fracking. Frelling? Smegging? (30 points if you can name all three Sci Fi shows - without a search engine). One ran into me earlier this year on a completely wide open slope with just the two of us on it, and then was bent out of shape when I yelled, "moron" at him (more out of fear and surprise than malice. Ok, maybe there was a little malice).


• Led vs. Lead.
  
  Lead (lěd) - a heavy, comparatively soft, malleable, bluish-gray metal, sometimes found in its natural state but usually combined as a sulfide, esp. in galena. Symbol: Pb; atomic weight: 207.19; atomic number: 82; specific gravity: 11.34 at 20°C.
  
  Lead (lēd) - to go before or with to show the way; conduct or escort
  
  Led (lěd) - the past tense of lead.
  
  LED - light emitting diode


• Fracking big SUVs, perhaps just when they're driven by idiots. UPDATE: Andrew reminded me that it's a general rule that fracking big SUVs are always driven by idiots.


• People who say Safety Deposit Box. It is SAFE Deposit Box, people! We just watched an episode of Fringe where ALL the characters said safety deposit box over and over and over. I, of course, had to yell, "SAFE! The word is SAFE!" every time. Yeah, okay. I was probably more annoying than they were. Probably. Same thing happened recently with an episode of Alias.


• Bigotry of any sort against anybody for any reason. Except snowboarders. Bigotry against snowboarders is fine.


• Cruelty to animals. Humans included.


• Having the television on just as noise in the background. I'm constantly coming into the living room and turning it off because NO ONE IS WATCHING IT! Unless I'm watching something in particular, I don't like it on at all. I have happily gone without TV for years at a time (I did use it to watch movies occasionally).

When I asked Bill to list things that irritate me, he said, "People who make slight grammatical errors and misproNOUNciations" (I already had that on the list). "And people who don't change lanes soon enough for you." No, Bill. That's just YOU.

*NOTE: Bill says he's not cute, he's ruggedly handsome.

(Note to self - figure out why there are no bullet points. Barry, help???)
UPDATE: Ok, now I have the funky flowers, but I guess they're better than nothing

Goodbye Kitty

I haven't felt much like writing this week because we've had a dying cat in our bedroom, which can be very depressing. Kitty could be one of the meanest, nastiest cats you ever met, or one of the nicest. One second she would be sitting on you purring and rubbing her head against you, and the next, she would turn, bite, slash (often drawing blood), and run before you could react. But her extra-super-loud purr made up for a lot. I've never heard a cat with such a loud purr.She disliked most humans, but she absolutely hated all other cats. Bill and his kids have had several cats over the years, and she hated all of them. She had been an only cat for a while when I moved in with Bill, bringing Isis and Smokey. For about two years they were relegated to William's bedroom, the laundry room, and the kitchen - about 1/3 of the house. She wouldn't allow them past the kitchen. If they did, they risked sudden ambush. Isis (half again as big as Kitty, but not very bright) would wander out occasionally, and come flying back with Kitty in hot pursuit. Then she would hiss at Smokey. We don't think Isis's eyesight is very good, because she often couldn't tell Kitty from Smokey - with whom she had lived all her life. Smokey just stayed mostly in the bedroom; she was terrified of Kitty.Isis and Smokey couldn't even sit in a warm window without being tormented. Kitty was an indoor-outdoor cat, while the other cats are indoor only, and if they decided to sit in the sun next to a window, she would suddenly jump at the window and hit the screen with a crash. This petrified them (a squirrel used to frighten them in the same way at my old house - they really are a couple of wusses).

Kitty was actually Bill's son's cat. She slept with him and loved him in her own way, although he does have scars where she scratched him over the years. Then he got a new kitten - Alice.After Alice arrived, things started going downhill for Kitty. She was physically unable to defend her territory against three cats, one of whom was a boisterous kitten and not afraid of her. First Isis started venturing further out; usually to play with Alice. Then Smokey occasionally tiptoed out.

Kitty was getting old. To make matters worse, she also started losing her teeth. Once the other cats realized she was vulnerable, the tables were turned. She had to sneak around the house risking ambush. She couldn't move without being attacked, and started spending all her time outside. She was really miserable.

Her life changed again about a year and half ago when someone managed to snag her head with a claw, and she developed a really painful abscess and ended up with a cone on her head and drains in her ear and cheek. We had to keep her separated from the other cats so we kept her in our bedroom. Bill has never in his life allowed cats to sleep in his bedroom. He was adamant that cats don't belong there, whereas I've slept with my cats since I got my first one when I was about nine. For Kitty, he was willing to share.

She finally felt safe again, gained weight and thrived. She got to go outside whenever we were home, and sleep on us at night - often purring so loudly I had trouble sleeping. Sometimes she would get what Bill calls a wild hair, and dash around the room in the middle of the night, sometimes running over our heads. But most of the time, all she wanted was to be petted...and the occasional taste of human skin.

Then she started rapidly losing weight. Bill feeds the cats and last week he said that she hadn't eaten anything for three days. I took her to the vet, who found a mass in her abdomen that turned out to be enlarged lymph nodes. She had moderate to severe lymphoma. We started her on Prednisone, and crossed our fingers, but she kept going downhill. One night she lay on the end of the bed and didn't move all night, but we could hear her purring. Every time she stopped purring, Bill sat up and touched her to see if she was still alive, and she would start purring again.

Yesterday, Bill took her in to get a boost of sub-cutaneous fluids, and they discovered that her ears and gums were turning green, which meant that she was in acute liver failure, so it wasn't really hard to make the decision. She wasn't in pain yet, but she would be soon. He said the whole time he sat with her she never stopped purring.

I always felt a little sorry for her because she never rated an actual name, but at least we have a framed portrait of her, taken a few years ago by Bill's son, on our wall:

Kitty (Early 1994 - February 20, 2009)
Classic Kitty Expression

A Gay Hula - part deux. In which I get really drunk and feel myself up.

I'm doing a second, hopefully happier post on David and Pete's wedding, because my last one apparently made everybody cry. These photos are much better because they were taken by a professional photographer AND they include pictures of ME!

But first an action shot of David and Pete jumping the broom: And William making David cryI wasn't too drunk yet. Only one gin and tonic.
But I soon made my way back to Surfer Willy's Tiki Hut. Oh, look. The nice photographer cut off half my butt. Always a good thing, in my opinion.
Oh. She got all of it here.This is exactly the reason I wore a slip. You never know when a shaft of sunlight might reveal all. Sort of like when I found lice on William's head. But that's another story.

Mmmm. Zombie. I actually like this photo a lot, even though I'm sticking my tongue out. In my last post, I only showed the guys dancing, but the girls got their chance, too. David and Pete got to dance both the guys AND the girls dance. Well it was their wedding.I had actually thought to myself, "Gee. I didn't get any pictures of my really cute shoes." Luckily the photographer must have thought they were really cute, too! I bet she was jealous.A male photographer would have been more focused on boobs. Especially with all the coconut bras nearby. A straight, non-transvestite male photographer, anyway. Speaking of boobs, it was right around this time that I realized my boobs had fallen out of my bra and were in imminent danger of escaping their confines completely. But it was okay, because the only way anyone would have been able to see was if they were higher up than I was. I peered blearily (hard to peer any other way after two zombies and a gin and tonic) down my dress, stuck a hand in, shifted things around and pulled the bra up on one side, then realizing how this must look, surreptitiously glanced around to see if anyone had noticed me fondling myself. Nobody was staring at me in shock and horror, so I quickly groped readjusted the other side.

This prompted another foray to Surfer Willy's. The purse is hiding my big butt. Unfortunately, it isn't hiding my back.

When I came back, I didn't realize Surfer Willy and his girlfriend followed and sat right behind me. Actually this was probably the time my boobs were making their attempt for freedom, and neither William nor his girlfriend said anything! You'd think he could have said something like, "Mom, XYB (Examine your boobs)", or "Mom, do you know your boobs are showing?" to which I would have had to reply, "No, but if you hum a few bars I can fake it." But no. He was probably just completely embarrassed that his sloshed mother was going around flashing people. I think if I had just worn coconuts it would have been less revealing. NOTE: NO I AM NOT ABOUT TO GROPE MYSELF IN THAT PHOTO. I'm reaching across to take a picture. Perverts.
Cute guys talking to David's mother Betty. Sorry girls and other guys. These outrageously cute guys are married. To each other.
Gratuitous William photos:Surfer WillyHe's going to make a great bartender some day.
William factoid: He has always exhibited more than a passing resemblance to Shaggy. For a 4-H costume contest, I once made a Scooby-do costume for his pony, Howdy, and we just put a green t-shirt on William and told him to walk like he normally does, and they won first place. We did have to draw the scraggly beard on back then. Not anymore. (He and Twister won first place the next year as Harry Potter and Fluffy the three-headed dog (William was Harry Potter. In case you were wondering). I make kick-ass horse costumes. Unfortunately it isn't really a marketable skill)

Gratuitous Buddha photos:
Buddha happy!Buddha disappointed
William giving the toast.I think William could give Bossy's son a run for his money. But I'm probably biased.
David and Pete toasted with the glasses that Bill and I bought them.
I think these guys were a little nervous I was going to fall on them. But I'm a well seasoned drunk. I rarely fall down. I always find the nearest wall to hold me up.Fairly soon after this I staggered out to the car with Bill Bill carried me out Bill and I left I don't really remember what the hell happened...

A Gay Hula!

Gay in every sense of the word. David and Pete were married last Sunday! In a beautiful ceremony presided over by their good friend Dee.

They had a Hawaiian wedding - sans Hawaii. Our son was the best man AND bartender. Surfer Willy's Tiki Hut was set up in the living room. There was even a frozen drink machine that dispensed virgin Strawberry Daiquiris and non-virgin Rum Runners. A float of Captain Morgan Tattoo extra dark rum on a Rum Runner turned it into a Zombie, which in turn turned me into a zombie, which is why most of these photos are very slightly out of focus. (UPDATE: In looking at someone else's photos, the dark rum was actually Whaler's)

Bill trying to hold the two other best men, Homer and Buddha, still for a photo op. What a handsome dude!Another handsome dude.And there's yet another handsome dude with a beautiful dudette.The ceremonyDee included aspects of various cultures in the ceremony. She had them taste the four elements, and William recited a Native American poem while Dee played a Native American flute. She spoke eloquently about gay rights, human rights, and reminded everyone that it wasn't that long ago that African Americans in this country couldn't marry who they wished. Then David and Pete jumped the broom!
Mothers of the grooms. Both bawling. Which made me start. Sheesh. Did anyone else notice their dresses have exactly the same design, just in different colors and upside-down?

The wedding party The wedding party plus parentsAnd another photo of Buddha because he's so goshdarn ugly photogenic cute adorable. And how many other husbands would go to the wedding of his wife's ex-husband and his partner and give a congratulatory hug to both the grooms. (I think he's secretly really happy that David being gay meant I was available...you can just leave me in my own little fantasy world)

This handsome dude seems to make the rounds with all the gorgeous dudettes. Ok, this gorgeous dudette happens to be his girlfriend.Woah, bright dudes!Cool dude and another stunning dudette aka Bill's kids.Best friend dudes.Then the hula dancing began:

Pete played the conch shell to start the festivities, Don Ho started playing the drums, and hula dancers came out - trapping Pete! You can see him thinking,"Oh, crap! How do I get out of here now?" Ok, he may not be Don Ho, but he did sing Tiny Bubbles and Hukilau...
Oh, look! There's Buddha againThen it was time for others to learn how:Getting a little more into it:Here's a better view:
She is totally flirting with PeteNice coconuts!

Then they showed us how it's really done:
After the dancers were done, my son gave the toast:

I wanted to get up here and tell you that my father has always been there for me...but that's not true. The truth is that both my fathers have always been there for me.

As long as I can remember, Pete has been there helping my father...and my mother...raise me, and get me where I am headed.

That is why I couldn't have been happier when I found out...through a text message, I might add...that they were finally tying the knot.

I know that you have brought each other and the people around you happiness for 16 years. Here's to many more. I love you both.

Talk about tears.

It was all too much for this tired dude.