A Gay Hula - part deux. In which I get really drunk and feel myself up.

I'm doing a second, hopefully happier post on David and Pete's wedding, because my last one apparently made everybody cry. These photos are much better because they were taken by a professional photographer AND they include pictures of ME!

But first an action shot of David and Pete jumping the broom: And William making David cryI wasn't too drunk yet. Only one gin and tonic.
But I soon made my way back to Surfer Willy's Tiki Hut. Oh, look. The nice photographer cut off half my butt. Always a good thing, in my opinion.
Oh. She got all of it here.This is exactly the reason I wore a slip. You never know when a shaft of sunlight might reveal all. Sort of like when I found lice on William's head. But that's another story.

Mmmm. Zombie. I actually like this photo a lot, even though I'm sticking my tongue out. In my last post, I only showed the guys dancing, but the girls got their chance, too. David and Pete got to dance both the guys AND the girls dance. Well it was their wedding.I had actually thought to myself, "Gee. I didn't get any pictures of my really cute shoes." Luckily the photographer must have thought they were really cute, too! I bet she was jealous.A male photographer would have been more focused on boobs. Especially with all the coconut bras nearby. A straight, non-transvestite male photographer, anyway. Speaking of boobs, it was right around this time that I realized my boobs had fallen out of my bra and were in imminent danger of escaping their confines completely. But it was okay, because the only way anyone would have been able to see was if they were higher up than I was. I peered blearily (hard to peer any other way after two zombies and a gin and tonic) down my dress, stuck a hand in, shifted things around and pulled the bra up on one side, then realizing how this must look, surreptitiously glanced around to see if anyone had noticed me fondling myself. Nobody was staring at me in shock and horror, so I quickly groped readjusted the other side.

This prompted another foray to Surfer Willy's. The purse is hiding my big butt. Unfortunately, it isn't hiding my back.

When I came back, I didn't realize Surfer Willy and his girlfriend followed and sat right behind me. Actually this was probably the time my boobs were making their attempt for freedom, and neither William nor his girlfriend said anything! You'd think he could have said something like, "Mom, XYB (Examine your boobs)", or "Mom, do you know your boobs are showing?" to which I would have had to reply, "No, but if you hum a few bars I can fake it." But no. He was probably just completely embarrassed that his sloshed mother was going around flashing people. I think if I had just worn coconuts it would have been less revealing. NOTE: NO I AM NOT ABOUT TO GROPE MYSELF IN THAT PHOTO. I'm reaching across to take a picture. Perverts.
Cute guys talking to David's mother Betty. Sorry girls and other guys. These outrageously cute guys are married. To each other.
Gratuitous William photos:Surfer WillyHe's going to make a great bartender some day.
William factoid: He has always exhibited more than a passing resemblance to Shaggy. For a 4-H costume contest, I once made a Scooby-do costume for his pony, Howdy, and we just put a green t-shirt on William and told him to walk like he normally does, and they won first place. We did have to draw the scraggly beard on back then. Not anymore. (He and Twister won first place the next year as Harry Potter and Fluffy the three-headed dog (William was Harry Potter. In case you were wondering). I make kick-ass horse costumes. Unfortunately it isn't really a marketable skill)

Gratuitous Buddha photos:
Buddha happy!Buddha disappointed
William giving the toast.I think William could give Bossy's son a run for his money. But I'm probably biased.
David and Pete toasted with the glasses that Bill and I bought them.
I think these guys were a little nervous I was going to fall on them. But I'm a well seasoned drunk. I rarely fall down. I always find the nearest wall to hold me up.Fairly soon after this I staggered out to the car with Bill Bill carried me out Bill and I left I don't really remember what the hell happened...

A Gay Hula!

Gay in every sense of the word. David and Pete were married last Sunday! In a beautiful ceremony presided over by their good friend Dee.

They had a Hawaiian wedding - sans Hawaii. Our son was the best man AND bartender. Surfer Willy's Tiki Hut was set up in the living room. There was even a frozen drink machine that dispensed virgin Strawberry Daiquiris and non-virgin Rum Runners. A float of Captain Morgan Tattoo extra dark rum on a Rum Runner turned it into a Zombie, which in turn turned me into a zombie, which is why most of these photos are very slightly out of focus. (UPDATE: In looking at someone else's photos, the dark rum was actually Whaler's)

Bill trying to hold the two other best men, Homer and Buddha, still for a photo op. What a handsome dude!Another handsome dude.And there's yet another handsome dude with a beautiful dudette.The ceremonyDee included aspects of various cultures in the ceremony. She had them taste the four elements, and William recited a Native American poem while Dee played a Native American flute. She spoke eloquently about gay rights, human rights, and reminded everyone that it wasn't that long ago that African Americans in this country couldn't marry who they wished. Then David and Pete jumped the broom!
Mothers of the grooms. Both bawling. Which made me start. Sheesh. Did anyone else notice their dresses have exactly the same design, just in different colors and upside-down?

The wedding party The wedding party plus parentsAnd another photo of Buddha because he's so goshdarn ugly photogenic cute adorable. And how many other husbands would go to the wedding of his wife's ex-husband and his partner and give a congratulatory hug to both the grooms. (I think he's secretly really happy that David being gay meant I was available...you can just leave me in my own little fantasy world)

This handsome dude seems to make the rounds with all the gorgeous dudettes. Ok, this gorgeous dudette happens to be his girlfriend.Woah, bright dudes!Cool dude and another stunning dudette aka Bill's kids.Best friend dudes.Then the hula dancing began:

Pete played the conch shell to start the festivities, Don Ho started playing the drums, and hula dancers came out - trapping Pete! You can see him thinking,"Oh, crap! How do I get out of here now?" Ok, he may not be Don Ho, but he did sing Tiny Bubbles and Hukilau...
Oh, look! There's Buddha againThen it was time for others to learn how:Getting a little more into it:Here's a better view:
She is totally flirting with PeteNice coconuts!

Then they showed us how it's really done:
After the dancers were done, my son gave the toast:

I wanted to get up here and tell you that my father has always been there for me...but that's not true. The truth is that both my fathers have always been there for me.

As long as I can remember, Pete has been there helping my father...and my mother...raise me, and get me where I am headed.

That is why I couldn't have been happier when I found out...through a text message, I might add...that they were finally tying the knot.

I know that you have brought each other and the people around you happiness for 16 years. Here's to many more. I love you both.

Talk about tears.

It was all too much for this tired dude.

Kitty, the inaugural parade (WOO HOO!), and a faceplant is not a flower

The other night I was startled out of a sound sleep by Bill suddenly sitting up and yelling, "Get off me, you BITCH!!"

I thought perhaps he had had a bad dream, since he never speaks to me this way (he knows better). And I wasn't even touching him, much less on him. "Whas wrong?"

"Kitty just jumped on my head THREE TIMES."

Given the early hour and his lack of sleep I think he can be forgiven for mistaking her for a dog.
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My friend S and I happened to be eating lunch today and the inaugural parade was being shown on a big screen TV near us. We were chatting about what a nice car Barack Obama's limousine is and how it’s probably bullet proof and bomb resistant (it is) when President and Michelle Obama got out and started walking. We were saying, "What? What's he doing? He's getting out? No! No! Get back in!!!" It was scary.*

When I told this to another friend (B), she says she wakes up every morning and listens to the news - worrying and half expecting something horrible has happened to him. This is going to be a loooong presidency. I can tell. Especially if he does frightening things like getting out of the car. TWICE!
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I did what is termed “a faceplant” yesterday while skiing. I allowed my son to convince me I was good enough to try a funbox in a terrain park. This is a slippery box that you slide down and jump off the end. I did fine the first three times, but then I was feeling a little cocky and tried a bigger one. I'm really glad I wear a helmet, although I have a huge bruise above my eyebrows up past my hairline where my goggles and helmet tried to come through my skull. My head actually bounced. The rest of me is slowly seizing up today - especially my neck and elbow. Yes, this is my daredevil son. Why on earth did I listen to him?
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Photos from David and Pete’s very cool wedding will be posted as soon as I can move again.
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*We knew the security was out of this world tight. It still made us nervous.

Celebrations

This is a photo from this past Christmas. Note the influence from my side of the family. For you American(s), Christmas crackers have been a British tradition since they were invented in 1847. Inside you find a paper hat or crown, a prize and a joke. Bill found these at Costco. Apparently you can get anything at Costco. Its sort of like the warehouse store version of Harrods.

The other influence would be the quote on William's sweatshirt: Apathetic Agnostic; Don't know, Don't careBill and Brad Pit. I mean Buddha. Easy mistake.
Each year, David and Pete give me a fishy ornament. This year they gave me a bassoon instead!! It looks just like mine.
Pete cooking brunch.

David and Pete are finally tying the knot on Sunday - their 16th anniversary. They actually got married a couple of weeks before bigots and other mor(m)ons voted in Proposition 8. This is the ceremony that counts, though.

Here's a link in case you haven't seen Prop 8 - The Musical.

Theme music

Bill had just spooled up Bones on the DVD player while I was in the kitchen getting something to drink. The theme music, composed and performed by The Crystal Method, was playing softly in the background, and apropos nothing, Bill commented, "Don't you miss theme songs?"

I immediately started singing:

Come and knock on our door
We've been waiting for you
Where the kisses are hers and hers and his,
Three's Company, too.

Come and dance on our floor
Take a step that is n....

At this point, Bill turned up the Bones volume and drowned me out.

Blues are relative

No, I'm not depressed. No, it's not about John Lee Hooker, who's death may or may not have been caused by one of my friends M. But that's another story.

I'm talking about ski runs - what else?! View of Nevada from Heavenly Resort
Here in North America, the ski runs are rated green (easy), blue (more difficult) and black (most difficult, with a sub-rating of single diamond or double diamond = expert only). I think the corresponding colours in Europe are blue, red and black. I have now managed to ski in five(?) resorts, and generally do the blue runs, although I have recently started black diamond runs - groomed only, and at least initially with my heart in my mouth. Eew. But fun. The definition of blue seems to be relative to the other runs at a particular resort and varies greatly between resorts. My son and I were skiing at Keystone in Colorado last January, and we headed off down a slope that was labeled blue both on the map and at the trail head. It was ungroomed, virtually vertical,and had moguls. Note for non-skiers: Once you start down, it can be very difficult to go back up. That's why they have ski lifts.

William whisked off down it on his snowboard, and was patiently kneeling down at the bottom looking up at me while I v...e...r...y slowly worked my way down. Picked my way all the way across one way. Stopped. Carefully turned around trying not to accelerate. Picked my way all the way across the other way. Repeated - each time descending about three feet.

When I finally got close enough (after 6 or 8 times back and forth) I yelled down in a nervous, high voice (very unlike my normal husky, sexy one), "This is blue??" The word blue pitched up into an unintentional squeak. It's a little stressful to be afraid for your life.

He yelled back, "I would hate to see one of their black ones!"

It was really cold there, but I was sweating profusely and my legs were wobbly by the time I got down. Good exercise! Or something. We headed straight for the bar at the bottom via the nearest green.

Another random photo from last year

All the resorts I've skied:

Boreal Mountain Resort (previously Boreal Ridge)
Heavenly Ski Resort
Northstar-at-Tahoe
Sierra-at-Tahoe (previously Sierra Ski Ranch)
Diamond Peak (previously Ski Incline (I can see why they changed it))
Homewood Mountain Resort
Alpine Meadows
Sugar Bowl
Keystone
Perfect North Slopes (aka Dinky Ball of Solid Ice in Southern Indiana)

Ok, that's more than five.

This is in the California Bar in the California Lodge at Heavenly. I think they should have called it The Grizzly Bar, but nobody ever asks me. Well, at least I used some of the photos I took last year...

View

This is the view I had first thing this morning.Sometimes it changed a little.My son was dogsitting for David and Pete (the Pug and Bichon Frisé) and Grandma Betty (the Maltese), and wanted to go to a New Year's party two hours away, so I dragged myself out of bed this morning (after several vodka martini things last night) and took them out for a walk. Aren't I a nice mother?

Of course, being me, I managed to find an empty lot right near one of the busiest streets in the Sacramento area. While we were on sidewalks, the dogs were happy to trot ahead, but as soon as I dragged them into long wet grass, they all looked at me as if to say, "What the @#$% are we doing here?? It's #$&@ing wet. And $%#&ing cold. Ick." City dogs. They swear a lot.

This was on the lot. I tried to get one of the dogs to stand next to it for scale, but they were too concerned about the wet grass touching their stomachs. I have no idea what it is. A well cap, maybe?Miko cannot sit still for anything. Certainly not a photo. Yes, that's my arm. I had to stop him spinning in circles somehow. I think that's my finger in the lower right corner, too.
Homer. Named after Homer Simpson.
Buddha. David and Pete call him the Brad Pit of pugs. I think he looks more like Marty Feldman, myself. Now I'm in trouble...